Essay: A Day in Zadar by Koushiki Dasgupta Chaudhuri

In this essay Koushiki Dasgupta Chaudhuri takes us through a day she spent in Zadar and tells us about life, as she saw there.

When I go through particularly persistent depressive moods, my therapist often asks me to list out moments I last felt happy in. Sitting at the helm of a boat speeding through the Adriatic Sea, the last chilly wind of spring sending mild goosebumps down my skin, I know this is going to be one of those. The back of my mind is already hard at work storing away this memory of you bathed in morning’s golden light, the birthmark on your forehead glistening like the chocolate sprinkles on my frozen yogurts. My tongue almost darts out in anticipation. As Zizek is so fond of saying, “The reasons of why you are in love only make sense when you are actually in love.”

My heart is as calm as the gentle waves barely making any ripples in the bluest waters I have ever seen. I remember how surprised I was the first time I saw this tranquil sea in a quaint little coastal Italian town. Raised as a water baby from birth, the oceans of my childhood were wild tempestuous beings, threatening to engulf lives and livelihoods at the slightest hint of tension. They embodied constant action, the perpetually strong waves always rushing towards the next shore. Much like me, whom no one has ever taught to sit still and take a deep breath. In contrast, the clear blue hues of this Balkan Sea charmed me with its absolute refusal to rush anywhere. “Stay,” it told me in your sleep-addled voice, drunk with yesterday’s wine and the virility of youth.